In March of 1990, at age 22 I had absolutely NO real information on nudism/naturism. I never knew at this point that such a thing as social nudity even existed. I had heard of Nudist "colonies", but they were fictitious places, fabricated for the telling of off-color jokes - they were as unreal to me as little green men from Mars. There were rumors that women had been seen topless in France, but I knew that was just propaganda to boost France's tourism! I had even heard rumors that there had been streakers on my own high school campus years before I went there, but I wasn't sure if I believed it. If so, they probably did it early in the morning or late after school - and they must have been good sprinters so that nobody would actually see them until they had passed, right? I mentally vetoed any suggestion that people ever got naked in public - either for good or for exhibitionistic intent. Somehow all awareness of nudism had managed to escape me completely.

So I guess you could call me an "Accidental Naturist" for the way that I stumbled onto it (though I believe now that it was no accident). I was serving as a Mormon missionary in Brazil when I first heard about the hot springs in Utah. The "informant" - a former Brigham Young University student - said that people allegedly were known to skinny-dip there in mixed company. Needless to say, I was convinced it was a pretty far-fetched rumor. Such open, unabashed, public nakedness wasn't possible in a place that was 90% Mormon - I would certainly have heard of such a scandal by now, and the perpetrators would get tired of being arrested, right? In Brazil I had been exposed to public breast-feeding, and I saw no obvious sin in that, but I knew that it was a cultural thing - and that the good old USA would never accept such a "third-world" practice. After I returned from my mission, I moved to Utah and started school at BYU (Fall of 1989). I began to wonder again about this skinny-dipping rumor. I wanted to go and see for myself that it wasn't true - to put the rumor to rest. I didn't have the courage to ask anyone about it for fear of them thinking I was some sort of pervert, so I resolved to investigate anonymously - relying on what information I could glean from strangers. The person that told me about the hot springs had suggested that he thought it was up Rock Canyon - a popular hiking and rock-climbing destination for BYU students. I spent hours on several trips up the canyon searching for any evidence of the springs. Finally I got up the courage to ask several people I met on trails about these hot springs - and none of them had heard of them. It became apparent that I was in the wrong place. Winter came, and I gave up my search for awhile.

Then one day in early March 1990, the subject of the hot springs came up at a Church-related activity - under less than ideal circumstances. My roommates and I (6 of us) were combined in a "family" group with an apartment of girls (6 of them) from our apartment complex. This was not the place or time that I wanted to bring up hot springs, but somebody suggested (obviously in jest) making a trip there as a group and "gettin nekkid." One of my roommates said he had been there once but never saw anybody naked - and he doubted it EVER happened. When I could corner him later, I asked if he could show me where they were - and of course he thought I was a pervert just for asking. He refused to go with me, but gave me some general directions to help me at least get near the springs. Someone overheard our discussion and decided she wanted to check out the springs too. Everyone else declined for fear of seeing people naked, but she said she didn't believe it could happen (sound familiar?) I called up a former mission companion of mine and dragged him along with us. We spent hours looking for the springs, and hiked for several miles in the snow. We followed the directions as best we could, and we did come across several cars parked at a trailhead. We followed numerous footprints and ski marks in the snow for what seemed like miles, but we eventually had to give up as they dwindled into unbroken snow. Secretly I was relieved - I didn't want to drag them into something they weren't ready for anyway.

I went up again on my own the following Saturday. I felt so much better facing this alone - If there really were naked people there, I could turn around and leave, and would be all the wiser for it. If there weren't naked people there, then I could bring all my friends up with me the next time, knowing that it was "safe" for all of us. I drove to the trailhead, and this time waited until I saw a hiker. She gave me clear directions and I followed them easily (up the CORRECT trail this time), right to the springs. It was a warm, early spring day, and the patches of snow were beginning to melt away. The trail was mostly clear of snow, and walking was pleasant - and yet this first time I was somewhat unaware of the beautiful surroundings. The anxiety I felt over what I was doing was enough to drown out everything else. Inside my head there was turmoil. Why was I doing this? Did I actually WANT to see a woman naked? And if I did, then what? Turn around and go home? Who would I tell? What would I do about it? What did this say about my character? I can remember the nervousness I felt when I rounded the corner and realized I was approaching the springs. There were a couple of cars at the trailhead today, so I knew someone was here. Would they be clothed? Would they be naked? I knew nothing about nudism, and had a head full of unanswered questions. I was TOTALLY unprepared for this situation - what was I doing here!? I approached (slowly), and finally came into view with the bathers. The first thing I remember seeing was SKIN. It took a second or two to realize that most of it was hidden in swimsuits. I was relieved to find 3 clothed bathers - one couple, and one single - and evidence that they were also students (she was wearing a BYU T-shirt as a measure of additional modesty). I asked where the best place was to change into my bathing suit, and they indicated that up above the waterfall was usually safe. Boy did I ever take their advice to heart! I climbed up past the falls, and then kept going. No way was I going to let anyone see ME naked! There was the additional fear that someone ELSE may use the place to change. I made good-and-sure that nobody would see me. I still marvel at my exaggerated sense of (false) modesty.

Now back at the hot springs, things were great - I was enjoying a relatively relaxing soak in this beautiful mountain setting. I sat in my own corner, lost in my own thoughts - while the other three BYU students carried on in their private conversations 30 feet away. Obviously the rumor of nude bathing at the "hot pots" was just a fantasy for the weak-minded. I now understood that no sensible person would believe such rubbish. Sure, it may happen at nudist "colonies" (if such actually existed), but no way would a state as conservative as Utah allow any such thing to happen. And who would do it anyway? Even the sexually incontinent would certainly not dare to be public about their nakedness for fear of imprisonment. (Are you getting a feel for where my thinking was at the time?) So here I was for the first half-hour - sitting content in my limited understanding and misconceptions of modesty. I was content and satisfied.

And then, suddenly, everything changed. Two "middle-aged" women came up the trail to the springs - I don't really know how old they were, but I knew that either one could have been my mother (at least biologically speaking). They had the look of seasoned hikers, but also of fellow first time visitors. I was ready to tell them where the changing spot was when one of them asked, "Do y'all mind if we skinny-dip?" I froze in place (hard to do in hot water, right?) In this state of momentary panic I couldn't come up with a reply - I had never thought of an answer for such a question. One of the other three BYU students shrugged and said "no", and I think I muttered something incoherent - I probably just mumbled. Apparently the women took my muttering for acquiescence as they stripped down right there and got in without any fuss. The whole scene unfolded as if I was in a dream world. I experienced that mind-numbing feeling as though I was witnessing this all from afar, or watching it on videotape - not actually being there. I moved quickly (and with as much tact as I could manage under the circumstances) over to the opposite corner of the pool, and hovered as near to the other three students as they would let me. It was obvious that they were at least as uncomfortable with my presence as they were with the "streakers" on the other side of the springs - they must have been through this before. I sat there collecting my thoughts for a moment and regrouping - planning my next course of action. My first inclination was that I should get up and leave at once - I didn't feel right telling them to go put something on, so the ball was in my court. I knew there HAD to be something wrong with this, and yet it didn't FEEL wrong at all. Perhaps I was just numb from the shock of it all. Yeah, that must be it.

After a couple minutes of fighting the urge to bolt and run, sanity finally prevailed. I decided that I would stay. After all, I got there first, and THEY were in the wrong - not me, right? It became obvious that I would find no comfort in the companionship of my fellow BYU students, as they were unwilling to talk to strangers (me included) beyond "hello." They said they were getting ready to leave anyway, because they didn't have flashlights. I didn't either, but I noticed that there was an almost full moon rising - The trail would be navigable later in the full moonlight. I began to fret at the prospect of being left here alone with these two naked women, but what were my choices? I could leave now and run from my fear of the unknown, or stay and make small talk with these women until someone else showed up. I decided to stay, but I determined not to just ignore these women and act like they weren't there (like the 3 students essentially did to me.) I had to at least be civil - but how do you talk to a naked person? Where do you look? (It's silly, I know - but this felt like a real dilemma at the time.) Fortunately, the two nude bathers were keeping themselves discreetly below the water for the most part, which made them easier to approach. I took a deep breath and ventured over to say hi. As I remember it, they said hello first - being far more at ease than I was. I always prided myself at keeping my composure in most situations, but I can only imagine that I looked and sounded pretty silly at that moment. But an amazing thing happened - they were friendly! More than that, Patricia and Nancy were very considerate, and patient with my childlike naiveté. They took my discomfort in stride, and in turn I found it very easy and pleasant to talk to them. In fact, we ended up talking for the rest of the evening - about 4 hours!

They seemed so at ease about their unclothed condition. Clearly they felt they were committing no sin whatsoever. I assumed that they had no understanding of sin, or that with practice they had become numb to it. I tried to entirely avoid the subject of nudity (theirs or anyone else's), and instead asked them about hot springs. I had seen plenty of hot springs before, but only the Yellowstone Park variety, that were not useable for swimming. They had been to other hot springs around the West, and I was enthralled to hear their stories. In each report, there was some mention of nudity during their visit - and it became apparent that nudity at natural hot springs was generally accepted - if not universally practiced. The more they shared, the more I wanted to know. They spoke of a hot spring oasis in the desert outside of Death Valley where people camped, hiked, showered and soaked - completely unclothed for days and even WEEKS at a time. They spoke candidly about how funny it seemed at first to see men "swinging in the breeze" while throwing a Frisbee or running. They laughed at the memory of sitting side-by-side in a double outhouse with no door, completely naked, watching falling stars over an open desert sky. I listened with amazement and tried to imagine it all. The mental picture they helped me paint was so wholesome and good - but still I had a hard time believing it could actually be true. And yet what reason would they have to lie to me?

So there I sat in my swim trunks wondering what it would feel like to be unclothed. I felt like an aberration in an otherwise natural place. I wanted to be a part of this. I yearned to experience this freedom that they obviously enjoyed. I wanted the years of shame to be pardoned. I wanted it to be okay. And why shouldn't this be okay? I had been talking to two bare naked ladies for an hour so far, and I hadn't been struck by lightning (yet). I hadn't thought lustful thoughts. What if I DID take off my own swimsuit? Could my Heavenly Father condone it? Would he punish me immediately or later? Or would he punish me at all? In retrospect, I can't help but feel (now) that my Heavenly Father had a hand in putting these two people there with me at this place, at this time - I know that now. I know that under most other circumstances I would never have had the opportunity or the courage. Had other people shown up sooner, I would have lost the nerve, (and the opportunity) forever. Had it been younger women, I might not have looked beyond their skin. Had it been men, I would have questioned their motives (I was unrealistically homophobic). These two women were mothers - one even had a child older than me. Even though we came from different backgrounds, that safe, motherly feeling was there. I was able to trust them just enough...

I had been praying silently for reassurance all this time - I didn't want to do something that I would regret. I felt good about it - it just SEEMED right - and I did feel I could trust these women. I also knew I may never have the courage again if I didn't do this now. This was it - now or never. I had been carefully rehearsing in my mind what I would say for the better part of an hour. Finally I summoned up all the courage I could find and said the fateful words: "After all you've told me, I feel kind of silly being the only one here with a suit on - would it bother you if I took mine off as well?" I know, the question was silly - and Patricia's answer was just as you might expect: "What took you so long?!" I took off my swimsuit and gladly set it aside - and my life was forever changed. I felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders as I sat there unclothed in the presence of two complete strangers. Here we all were - I a Mormon, naked in the company of two Godless women. Why would I be so open and vulnerable in front of them - and they in front of me? The feeling of trust was obviously reciprocal as our conversation took on a whole new level from that point on. The clothes were off and with them the last shreds of pretense. I was now "one of them" in at least one way. From that point on there was a spirit of goodwill and kinship - they probably took to be "good karma", but I understood to be the "Light of Christ". They offered me some bread, cheese, and fruit - and I shared some of my extra water. We talked on into the night about everything and nothing - about politics and religion, about families and relationships, about nature and responsibility. One of the things we talked the LEAST about was nudism. It didn't seem there was much to say - we were just people, naked as the day we were born. I felt like I had been living a lie all my life, and finally the truth was known. It was a very spiritual and comforting feeling - I had never imagined that I could feel so alive and so good about myself while naked.

I also marveled at how much more comfortable it was to soak without a suit on - The water took on a whole different feeling. I became more acutely aware of the currents and changes in the temperature - the water seemed more of a living, moving thing rather than just stagnant heat. When you got out to answer the "call of nature", you didn't freeze to death in a wet swimsuit on the way there and back - and in fact you didn't have to go to such great lengths to hide in the bushes for fear of being seen. When you got back in, you didn't have to worry about expelling air bubbles in your swim trunks without sounding like you were passing gas! Everything became more comfortable, and more natural. And I felt very comfortable in the company of these two new friends. Fortunately nobody else had come up the entire evening, (an atypical Saturday night), which gave me the time to relax and adjust to my nakedness. I was able to even build up a bit of confidence. At first I tried to keep submerged the whole time - which is impractical because you can begin to overheat when the water is kept too hot. After seeing how Patricia and Nancy would sit out on the rocks around the edge to cool off, I knew it would be acceptable for me to do the same. It may seem like a trivial thing to all of us nudists now, but it was a big step for me.

We finally got tired - we had been talking for hours, and it was getting late. Patricia and Nancy stretched out on a couple of large, flat rocks - like natural lounge chairs that rise up just above the surface of the water. I thought it was rather bold at first, but then I found my own rock and did the same - first on my stomach, then on my back just like them. It felt so daring at the time - knowing that someone could come up the trail at any moment. I realized though that lying down was a perfectly sensible thing to do when tired, and in this context it was not exhibitionism. People DID finally show up, and when they approached, they were greeted by the sight of 3 nudists - lying face up in the bright moonlight - and I was one of them! We were naked and unashamed, and making no effort to hide. Patricia and Nancy may have fallen completely asleep for all I know, but I was awake and heard the new arrivals. I stayed put and faked being asleep - determined not to flinch or jump for cover. I was taking my newfound body-acceptance to a whole new level - a "clothed encounter" of the most vulnerable kind. Finally we all got up and said our hellos as the rustling around us grew louder. I don't know if the new arrivals had planned on skinny-dipping that night or not, but all 8-9 of them did so without apparent hesitation. Our example made it quite clear that such was the current, prevailing dress code. On the outside I was relaxed as I greeted the newcomers. On the inside I was jumping for joy and shouting a victory cry! I had a feeling of inexplicable triumph at my new discovery, and I felt even better knowing that perhaps I had helped persuade others to give skinny-dipping a try.

For the next few weeks I went back to the springs as often as I could. I had to prove it to myself that this was not a fluke or a one-time thing. Sometimes people were clothed, but most of the time they went naturally. Some times people brought their unnatural vices with them, but the natural spirit of the place always seems to prevail. I still had many questions about naturism and it took several years to come completely to terms with it - but the seed had been planted, and I knew the fruit it bore was good. I never saw Patricia or Nancy again, but I will always be grateful that they were willing to share with someone as closed minded (clothes-minded) and ignorant as I was. I was hardly worth bothering with, and yet they opened their hearts and shared something of incredible value with me. They may have no understanding or belief in God, and we may hold very few beliefs in common - and yet their willingness to share allowed me to discover the naturalness of nudity in a way consistent with my own values. When I left that night I understood the undeniable goodness of the human body and the divine nature of its creation.
 
 

Alan Palmer
Los Angeles, California

Contact the author at: ldssdc@hotmail.com

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